Monday, July 28, 2008

It's Hotter Than...


It's hotter than a half-bred fox in a forest fire.
It's hotter than a June bride in a feather bed.
It's hotter than a ginger mill in Hades.
It's hotter than the devil's dick.
It's hotter than a four-balled tom cat.
It's hotter than a flaming bag of turd.
It's hotter than Oprah's underwear during a hot flash.
It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.
It's hotter than a two-peckered goat.

And an old favorite...it's hotter than two rats f**king in a wool sock.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Pride Vs. Saving Money


Lately I've noticed more and more people driving Vespas and other motorized scooters to and from their place of work. I can understand why. With gas prices shooting higher than a kite on acid, it makes sense from a savings standpoint. However, I can't think of too many things that are more dorky than riding one of those things, especially while wearing work attire. Even with a helmet to cover your face, it would test the limits of my pride to participate in this activity. I'll keep flushing my money away on gas for my mid-sized SUV, thank you.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Confession Time


Lately I’ve been struggling with a confessional disclaimer, which explains my recent absence from this blog. Dear readers, I know I’m going to be ridiculed incessantly for what I’m about to divulge, especially from my fellow music fans. Due to various factors (okay, one – a chick), I was recently introduced to an artist who I had previously not given a rat’s ass about. For a long time, I’ve viewed “new” country music as nothing more than hillbilly bubblegum pop, consisting of overhyped artists with their young, hip, cookie cutter, gel-headed, cheeseball back-up musicians. To me, country had lost its edge years ago, which was exactly the motive for forming my old band, The Inlaws (see TommyTCoe photo above).

So recently, when I was force-fed the music of (gulp) Kenny Chesney, I initially resisted. At first I thought, “Oh great – another rube with a fake twang and a sleeveless shirt and a cowboy hat.” And on top of that, I always thought his name sounded ludicrous, especially while being hollered by his starstruck fans (“Keeunnieeee Chayusnieee!!”). But I kept listening, only to discover that the dude wrote and sang some pretty damn good songs. The more I listened, the more I liked what I heard. The songs he doesn’t write, he chooses meticulously to fit his beachy, Buffetty vibe that blends perfectly with his more introspective material. Lo and behold, I was becoming a fan. Like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly with his ears falling off, I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered just what in the hell was happening to me. Let’s face it, I became hooked.

The culmination of this newfound fandom occurred last weekend when I went to see him live at Turner Field. It was an interesting lineup, consisting of Gary Allan (sucked), Leann Rimes (looked good but destroyed “I Want You To Want Me”), Sammy Hagar (of all people), and Brooks & Dunn (those vets know how to put on a show). But as soon as Kenny rose from the stage, he blew everyone else away. I’ve been to hundreds of concerts in my time but I must say that from a visual/production standpoint, it was the best concert I’ve ever seen. And the guy knows how to entertain. Not only that, but instead of running off with his ego at the end, he did something that I’d never seen before – he actually walked out onto the ramp and signed autographs while the band was still playing (granted, his band consisted of the same cheeseball types mentioned earlier). The guy is genuine and I like him and his music. So rag on me if you must – but you can bite me!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Classmates


My 20 year HS reunion is coming up and I'm charge of the class DVD, which will consist of old photos along with a "then and now" segment of classmate pics. This job has turned into quite a daunting task since volunteering for it several months ago. By "volunteering", of course, I mean responding to a mass e-mail saying that I'd be glad to "help out" with the DVD. Result? Immediate message in my inbox saying "You're in charge of the DVD".

Anyway, since then I've received digital photos from nearly 100 of my former classmates, many of whom I literally haven't seen since graduation. It's been interesting to see how everyone looks now. There are several girls who were once normal looking but are now quite MILFy; several dudes who were and are still sorta nerdy but now have hot wives (how? $$); and some people that quite frankly look like ass. I'm genuinely interested in seeing and catching up with everyone, but it's a slap in the face reality check to realize that it's been 20 f**king years since I graduated from high school.