Rumors

The coaching saga at Bama has reached laughable proportions, and I'm not even talking about the bumbling idiots who run the program. I'm talking about the ridiculous speculation and rampant rumor mongers who are taking over the internet and radio airwaves. The comments range from people with "reliable sources" to absurd sightings of coaches and private jets. Here are some recent examples of the hilarity that has ensued:

"I have a friend whose wife shops at the same grocery store as Jerri Spurrier and says that she was seen wearing a crimson red shirt on Sunday."

"A friend of mine just contacted me with some news. not sure how to take it though, but his fiance works for FOX 6 here in birmingham and she said that they had a story that they are breaking tomorrow. according to her a player from UA reported that the team meeting tonight is to announce that Steve Spurrier will be the next head coach at the University of Alabama. like i said i have heard and read so much that im not sure how true this is but she works at Fox so im sure its pretty reliable."

"I have a very reliable source (lifeguard at the Rec Pool) that said he saw Spurrier coming down the waterslide at the UA Rec Pool today. Like I said VERY RELIABLE SOURCE. He was there. I know the pool was closed, but that is why spurrier was there. He had on a crimson speedo with a white A across the back. His wife was also there in a 1 piece thong swimsuit. Just passing along this info for the readers."

and my personal favorite:

"I live here in TN actually just over an Hour from knoxville and let me tell you the great pumpkin wouldnt curl up in someones arms no no he would run down to Krispy Cream doughnuts and eat the entire damn store. I hate the F'in vols and everything about them. If it was up to me we would put fatty phil and but humpin tommy on a plane to calli and let them just hump eachother all day with pet carrol, now that would be a coaching staff."

"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart. And in our own despair, and against our will, comes Wisdom by the awful Grace of God". -Aeschylus

What's The Deal?

Last night I was channel surfing and came across Howie Mandel doing a 10 minute segment on the Leno show playing Deal or No Deal with the mostly military audience. You could almost see the steam coming out of Jay's ears as he helplessly watched Howie hijack his show with his ludicrous concept of a game show (I didn't mind, of course, because I can't stand Leno). And you could see in Howie's eyes that he thinks he's sitting on top of the world with his comeback success.

What is the deal with Deal or No Deal? This is the dumbest idea for a game show since, well, Let's Make A Deal. This was a show in which contestants/audience members dressed in ridiculous costumes, as if they didn't look or act stupid enough. In fact, most game show concepts and contestants are examples of the overall dumbing down of our society as a whole. Now don't get me wrong- I grew up watching a lot of these shows and still find pleasure in the occasional viewing of Jeopardy. But at least with Jeopardy you're required to have a functioning cranium in order to enjoy it. Hell, even The Price Is Right requires some knowledge of the retail pricing of everyday consumer products.

So enjoy it while it lasts, Howie. Because a year from now when your ratings have turned to shit and the collective flock of idiot TV viewers has moved on to the next lame show, NBC will punt your ass to the curb in a heartbeat. Then you can go back to entertaining 12 people a night at The Comedy Pouch in Possum Ridge, Arkansas with your hilarious rubber-glove-on-the-head stand-up routine.

Happy Turkey Day!

The Auburn Game

Well, it's all come down to a one game season for the Tide. Just one win, baby. That's all I'm asking for. For once, Dear Lord, let us beat someone we're not supposed to beat. Just one. Please.

Let Us All Join Together

From saveaumajorettes.com:

The Auburn University Majorettes have a long and proud heritage that has been a true joy to the Auburn faithful. The Majorettes have always led the band at football games, pep rallies, parades and on other special occasions. They are truly an Auburn Institution.

The Majorettes will not be leading the band much longer. The Majorettes are being integrated into a group along with the flag line and pom pom/kickline dancers who were added last year. In an effort to minimize the alumni outcry, the plan is being phased in. The stated plan for next year is for all uniforms to be the same, and all shoes to be the same (no more white boots). Only four majorettes are marching in front of the band, with the other four marching in the back. At pep rallies and in the stands, the majorettes only use pom poms (not their batons) and are grouped with the flag line and dancers, not being allowed to have their own identity.

Thank you for your help in saving this beloved Auburn tradition, and in preserving their great legacy.

Ding Dong, The Madness is Over

I went to exercise my Constitutional right to vote this morning and continued on to work while listening to the pleasant sounds of Music From Big Pink by The Band. I'm just happy not to not be forced to suffer through any more mud-slinging TV and radio ads. Although I shouldn't be surprised, it seems that these campaigns become more and more childish the older I get. I think they should be forced to wrestle rather than record television spots - it'd be a hell of a lot more entertaining.

Did You Know...

Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams have the same birthday, which happened to be yesterday (November 5th). This is very interesting, especially considering how much Ryan just LOVES being compared to Bryan.

Observation of the Week

From Hollywood Elsewhere's Jeffrey Wells:

"Does raunchy, power-chord rock music kick and wail no matter how old the performers, the audience and the guy shooting the concert documentary are? Screw the calendar -- rock is a state of mind. But there's something creepy about grey-haired, turkey-necked, pot-bellied rock musicians getting down on-stage with a sea of AARP fans stompin' and hootin' and whatnot. There's something just 'not right' about this.

Part of the solution (and I know this sounds shallow) lies in dieting, daily workouts, hair dyes and face-lifts. You've got to try and look the part of a rocker or a rock- music fan, and by that I mean a person who doesn't look too sedate or retiring or anesthetized by too much wealth or food. Someone with a passing acquaintance with the biological vitality of life...who takes walks, gets around, owns a bicy- cle and is out there plugging, etc. Someone who doesn't look like an escapee from a managed-care facility.

The only older rocker who hasn't creeped me out is Mick Jagger, who was fantastic when he gave a brief live show at L.A.'s El Rey theatre in '01 -- rail-thin and dark-haired and throttling the entire room with the energy of a 20 year-old. (His performance of "God Gave Me Everything (I Want)" was legendary.) I'm asking this because a few days ago Martin Scorsese, 64, shot a Rolling Stones concert at Manhattan's Beacon Theatre with Jagger, 63 and Keith Richards, 62, blasting away and Bill Clinton, celebrating his 60th birthday, hootin' and yellin' in the orchestra.

Bottom line: rock out in the privacy of your own home (or inside your IPod earphones) until you're dead, but rock is a young person's game and there's just something not cool about rocking out in public if you don't exude at least a semblance of the elan of youth. I think that's putting it fairly...no? Roger Daltry, cool. David Crosby...liposuction."

It's Time

With Bama football continuing to be a source of confusion and frustration, it's time to turn our attention to basketball. I'm one of those rare people who is just as much of a Tide basketball fan as a football fan. I've been attending b-ball games with my dad since I was a kid, and this is as excited as I've been in a long time about our team's chances for a special season.

And while we're on the subject, Ronald Steele is slowly but surely becoming my favorite Bama B-ball player of all-time (a list that includes Mule King, Leon Douglas, Buck Johnson, Mike Davis, Terry Coner, Derrick McKey, Ennis Whatley, Jim Farmer, Roy Rogers and Erwin Dudley). He's the most dependable player we've ever had and is ranked by some polls as the #1 point guard in the country. It's showtime baby!

Happy Halloween!

(**Title has been censored by Michael Adams and J. Bernard Machen)

When Georgia plays Florida this weekend in their annual showdown in Jacksonville, a longstanding tradition will be skewered thanks to a couple of self-righteous douchebags- specifically University of Georgia President Michael Adams (pictured above) and University of Florida President J. Bernard Machen (could that name be any snootier?).

These two schmucks have decided that the CBS commentators cannot refer to the game on the air as "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" after an alcohol-related death at last year's game. So is this BS PC decision going to change anything? I hardly think so, especially when CBS goes to commercial during timeouts with countless beer advertisements. People don't die alcohol-related deaths because of the name of a friggin' football game- they die because of their own or someone else's irresponsibility. Chalk up another victory for political correctness.

Rush Limbaugh is an Insensitive Prick

Recently, a 30-second spot featuring Michael J. Fox has begun airing in Missouri. The spot is a paid political ad for Missouri Senate Challenger Claire McCaskill. Fox, who suffers from Parkinson’s disease, is speaking for McCaskill, who supports stem-cell research. He shakes throughout the spot, a condition that is associated with the disease.

Responding to Michael J.Fox’s appearance in the commercial, radio host Rush Limbaugh said, “He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act. If this was not an act, then I apologize.”

Go fuck yourself, Rush. Were you born without feelings or a conscience? You're despicable.

It's All Starting to Make Sense Now...

BAMA NOTES
(from Tidesports.com)

-Terrence Jones missed practice Tuesday with what Shula called a cold.

Are you friggin' kidding me?

-Alabama offensive coordinator Dave Rader tried to clarify why backup running back Jimmy Johns carried just three times in last Saturday’s loss to Tennessee despite averaging 12.3 yards per carry. The sophomore running back missed a lot of practice time last week recovering from a high ankle injury suffered the week before against Ole Miss.

“We made the right decision," Rader said. “We’re not going to jeopardize the whole season so he can play five more plays, six more plays."

HUH?!? Dude, the season was already in peril before the Tennessee game and is now officially "jeopardized" after losing it. Either he can play or he can't play. Don't shovel us this shit after the fact.

Battle of the Bands

Because I had nothing else better to do and because my dorky ass has become addicted to Two-A-Days,I decided to go to the Hoover HS football game vs. Homewood Friday night. This was actually the first high school football game I've attended since I was in high school myself. Back then, I couldn't have given two shits about what was happening on the field- I was just there to socialize and hit on girls. This time, however, I watched the game intently and saw some exciting football (unlike the Tide's performance the next day).

That being said, I don't think I'll be going to another HS football game anytime soon. In college football (at least in the SEC), the marching bands are not allowed to perform during plays. They can perform briefly between plays and during timeouts, but that's it. Unfortunately, this rule has not been put into effect during high school games. Both bands went at it nonstop during the entire fucking game, sometimes simultaneously. Not only that, they played the same damn songs over and over. If I hear Iron Man or the ESPN theme one more time, I'm going to puke (which I actually did do yesterday, but that's a different story). It was distracting and annoying, and totally sucked the enjoyment out of watching the game. Maybe I'll copy/paste this rant and send it along to the AHSAA. Not that it would do any good.

A Real Quandary

Gene Simmons will soon be making an appearance at a local Parisian's to promote his new male fragrance (that's pretty gross when you think about it). What an interesting scenario that this presents. Of all places to meet The Demon - Parisian's?!?

The first record I ever bought with my own money was Destroyer by Kiss when I was 7 years old. While most boys grew up wanting to be a fireman, policeman or superhero, I wanted to be Gene Simmons. I don't remember how in the world I got into Kiss at such a young age but I was obsessed with them and their music, even though I couldn't have been more clueless as to what they were singing about. I remember having no idea what Cold Gin was, thinking that Christine Sixteen was really old, Plaster Caster was about a cast on someone's arm, and Love Gun was about a real gun. The song Great Expections was classical music for all I knew while the lyrics flew right over my head -

"You watch me playing guitar,
You feel what my fingers can do
And you wish you were the one I was doing it to."

So you see how big of a deal it would be if I ever had the chance to meet Gene Simmons. Or would it? I gotta be honest - I wasn't all that excited when I heard the news of him coming here. I guess I had always envisioned meeting him after a show when he's dripping sweat and fake blood. He's gonna be standing there at a perfume counter for Chrissakes. How rock n' roll is that? I might as well be going to meet The Wiggles. And God knows what kind of crowd I'd have to fight through just to see him. So do I go or not? I'm really confused about what to do. Stay tuned.

Lindsey Buckingham Rules

Lindsey Buckingham is the coolest mofo in rock n' roll on top of being a friggin' genius. Here's a guy who at one time reached a level of commercial success that is unfathomable yet decided to flush it away for the sake of his art. Instead of recording "Rumours II" in 1979, he talked his Fleetwood Mac bandmates into bucking musical trends and taking artistic risks on their next album, Tusk. Since then, he's been in and out of the spotlight (with F. Mac and solo) while working on his music on his own terms.

And now he's put out one of his signature weird albums, Under The Skin, that sucks you in like a crack addiction. I say weird because it is. His voice and his recording technique take some effort to get used to and it's certainly not for everyone, especially considering that almost every song on this album are comprised of multiple tracks of his guitar and voice only. Upon first listen, I quickly discounted this album. But like all my favorites, I kept listening until it washed over me like a warm golden shower (not that I've ever had one, of course- I'm just perversely speculating here). His songs have always been there- he's simply chosen to strip them apart and rebuild them, just as REM has done on their last few records. What he's done here (and he's always done) takes nerve and takes balls. That's why he remains one of the most respected and talented musicians on the planet. Gung ho my friend.

What a Classy University

Eight Univ. of Miami players have been suspended for their roles in a fight Saturday night between the Hurricanes and Florida Int'l (they had around the same # of players suspended). Eight?!? Are you kidding me? From what I saw, the whole teams were involved in this footbrawl. [UPDATE- The official number of players suspended is FIU-18 and Miami-13, which is still not enough if you ask me] This was the most disgraceful and pathetic display I've ever seen on a field of play in any sport. As I've touched on before here, the Miami Hurricanes are a bunch of classless thugs with no regard whatsoever to class or sportsmanship.

And now I hear that former Miami receiver Lamar Thomas, who's now a color analyst for Miami football broadcasts, was apparently cheering his team on during the slugfest and actually suggested that the players meet in the parking lot after the game - all of this while on the air. Wow. I realize the Tide isn't perfect - we had three personal foul calls against Ole Miss on Saturday - but I can't imagine any team that would stoop to the level of classlessness that Miami continues to wallow in year after year. If the NCAA wants to make a statement, they should shut down these two programs for the remainder of the season.

Where Have You Gone, Michael Myers?

Having grown up during the classic slasher era in cinema, I've become increasingly disappointed in the horror genre of films in recent years. When I was a kid, I remember my dad and me telling my mom we were going to see the latest Herbie movie only to leave the house and head straight for a showing of Halloween, Prom Night, Friday the 13th or any number of other classic slasher flicks. We loved them and still do. But these days, young filmakers just don't get it. These bozos get so caught up in shock value and boring CG effects that they miss the whole point, which is to scare the bejeezus out of kids in a movie theater. Just because the fancy special effects are available doesn't mean that they're required. Personally, John Carpenter's clinky piano scores have a much greater effect than watching the Saw clown cutting off someone's testicles- but that's just me.