Hey look! I'm on TV!

Do people not realize how stupid they look when they wave like idiots into a tv camera? I see this every morning on the Today show while I'm getting dressed for work. Normally ordinary citizens turn into narrow-minded buffoons at the sight of a television camera and monitor.

But nothing is more dorky than the moron (usually at a sporting event- especially behind home plate) who waves to the camera while calling a buddy on their cell phone. They should authorize stadium ushers to shoot these people on sight- or at least immediately remove them from the premises.

Penises, Butts and Poop

My cousin recently gave birth to her third boy. Having grown up the oldest of three boys and seen the effect it's had on my mother, I personally think anyone who has two boys and would risk having a third is a fucking idiot. But I digress.

Anyway, I went to visit the birth suite and as the middle child (Miles) was holding his newborn brother in his lap, the following dialogue ensued:

Miles: "Mommy, does he have a penis?"

Mommy: "Yes Miles."

Miles: "Mommy, does he have a butt?"

Mommy: "Yes Miles, just like you."

Ten seconds of silence.

Miles: "Mommy, does he poop?"

Mommy: "Yes Miles."

Me: Laughing my ass off.

R.I.P. Luke/Roy L. Fuchs

The late great Jack Warden.

Yahoo

I saw this morning that Yahoo's stock has taken a dramatic dip. That got me thinking about Yahoo Serious, the comedian from down under who starred as Young Einstein in the 80's and proceed to drop off the face of the earth. What the hell ever happened to that guy? He was hyped as being the next great comedic superstar and then went AWOL. I guess by now he's hunting crocs and sipping Fosters in the outback with Paul Hogan.

Take a Bow, Auburn Fans

Academic fraud: one more in a long line of accomplishments for Auburn University, including cool mailboxes.

27 Yanni Fans Can't Be Wrong

There's a forty-something year-old woman that I've seen at the gym where I work out who likes to wear her "Yanni Live" tour t-shirt. Now, I'm not going to harp on some woman's musical taste but why in the world would you want to let people know that not only are you a Yanni fan but that you actually forked out God knows how much dough to see him live AND buy a t-shirt to wear as proof?

Ummm, okay...

Mickey Rourke is a sick bastard. This is a newsflash I just saw:

Hollywood star MICKEY ROURKE has an unusual way of dealing with his anger - he cuts off his finger. The actor was taken to hospital and had to endure eight hour surgery to save his finger. Rourke is no stranger to violence, he trained as a boxer in his youth and took a five year break from his acting career to take the sport up professionally. The eccentric star says, "I cut my little finger off because I thought I didn't want it. I was angry about something so I decided I didn't need the end of the little finger on my left hand. "I didn't cut it off completely - it was still hanging on a tendon - and an English friend, GARY, carefully carried the end of it as we went to hospital to try to rectify the situation. It took the surgeon eight hours to sew it back on. I still can't bend it properly."

I Call Bullshit, Ken

Ken Lay (allegedly) died of a heart attack in Colorado. His death was confirmed by a secretary and a family spokesperson. How about a doctor's confirmation? I smell bullshit. I think Kenny pulled an Elvis and faked his own death in order to avoid getiing buttreamed in prison. Right now he's probably sitting in Canada sipping a latte.

Happy Birthday USA!

Movie Theater Etiquitte

Went to see Superman Returns last night and it's actually very good. Of course, it would've been much more enjoyable had some people followed some simple rules of etiquitte. Now, I've found that talkers and cell phone users are really not a problem at most movies. It really depends on what kind of film you're seeing. If you're going to see something that carries over into the teenage demographic (i.e. most screwball comedies), you just have to deal with it. You can't control 13 year-olds, especially when they're in a group. I know because I myself was once one of those obnoxious a-holes.

The main culprits of the ruination of the movie-going experience are the latecomers. Now, I'll (reluctantly) grant these people the first 15 minutes of previews due to long ticket and food lines, although I can't understand not allowing yourself extra time if it's a new release. What kills me are the folks who show up 30 minutes after showtime when the movie is already well into the first act. They should just lock the friggin' doors 15 minutes past showtime and install bathrooms inside the theater. Alas, it's only a pipedream.