Friday, September 29, 2006

Street Wheelies


While we're talking about men and issues I've touched on before, I'd like to discuss something I witnessed today coming back from lunch. I was casually driving down Valley Avenue, a regular street with a 35 mph speed limit, when all of a sudden some dude behind me on one of those high pitched whirring motorcycles flew past me doing a friggin' wheelie! What a fucking tool! How small does your penis have to be to learn this extraordinary trick and perform it on a normal street for all normal humans to laugh at and mock? Do they not realize that's what we're doing when they do this?

Feet


I've brought this up before but I feel it needs furthur discussion and clarification. Unless they're at the beach, men do not need to be wearing flip flops or sandals. Period. What is with guys and their obsession with these types of shoes? Most women take good care of their feet- I don't have a problem with them wearing open-toed footwear. I'm talking to the men here. Men's feet are fugly and not meant to be exposed to the general public. When it comes to foot grooming, men are still Cro-Magnons in the Upper Paleolithic period of the Pleistocene epoch.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Coolest Fanbase in the World



Clay Aiken's hometown fans came out in full support recently for his new CD release. Look at these losers. It's like a joint meeting between Trekkies and Omega Mu's. Then again, we are talking about Clay Gaykin here. I know what some of you are thinking - "At least he has a fanbase." Touche.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The Bloodletting Has Begun...


Well, Bama took a tough loss and Mike Shula is having a new asshole ripped open by the fans. I don't ever remember there being this much backlash over a Bama coach, and that includes the Dumbose era. He better get his shit together or it's going to boil over very soon. This is shaping up to be one of those seasons where I wish I could just go into hibernation for a few months and wake up when it's over. Sigh.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

If Only I Was That Lucky...


Tiger Woods is outraged at an Irish magazine and a tabloid that linked photos of his wife to various pornography sites, and his agent was studying the merits of a lawsuit.

For God's sake why? I think that would be kinda cool if my wife was that hot.

Monday, September 18, 2006

How Dare You, Benedict!


Muslims are upset at the Pope for portraying Islam as a religion tainted by violence. So they protest his remarks by...causing violence. I know it's irony at its base level, but you've got to at least chuckle a little at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Things I Don't Understand, Part 3


1. Martial Arts movies - zzzzz
2. Crocs - those are the gayest shoes I've ever seen
3. Face painters at sporting events
4. Men who wear bowties - there is nothing nerdier
5. Mexican men's fascination with painted flames on their vehicles
6. People who can't seem to fathom how or why you could possibly not care for the music that they like. Fuck you- I don't like it. Why don't you like Lester Young?
6. Blended whiskey
7. Flash Gordon (the movie) - WTF?
8. Drive-thru windows - if there are one or two people in line, fine. But when there are 57 cars wrapped around the building, why the fuck would you get in line and sit there for 20 minutes when you can just run inside and get your food to go in 2 minutes flat?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Autumn


The cool air, the brisk breeze, the changing colors, the smell of burning wood, the banging of football helmets...aaahhhh, my favorite time of year is fast approaching. Fuck springtime - I've always had a soft spot for fall.

Friday, September 08, 2006

This Week In Jazz Appreciation: Art Pepper


"You know, there's honest musicians and dishonest musicians. Let me clarify that: An honest musician, to me, plays with his heart and soul and gives you his all, all the time. And then there's the dishonest musician who plays, and he gives you his all, but not all of the time. It's like a race horse. When Art plays, it's all, all the time. I never heard him lay back at any time, and that, to me, is an honest musician. And there aren't too many of them in the entire world." -Marty Paich

"The lessons of jazz history suggests it is music made best by young men, but Pepper seemed to turn the tables on this truism. Has any saxophonist played with such newfound energy so late in life? His late recordings stand as crowning achievements in Pepper's career. Unlike virtually every other musician, Pepper created his greatest work at the end of his life, long after the glory days of West Coast Jazz had passed." -Ted Gioia

"You couldn't file him in a category. He wasn't L.A. cool, white bop, '50s or '80s, but an impassioned musician with an alto sax and a rhythm section that never completely satisfied him. Despite the facile cliches of the music he mastered, he made you know that, facility and cliches notwithstanding, no one else could ever play like that." -Gary Giddins

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Annual Flagfest


The Thugs (Florida State) beat the Thugs (Miami) last night 13-10. Seriously- everytime these two gangs hit the field, they can't seem to get through two consecutive plays without a fucking penalty. I haven't seen anything like that since the Anita Bryant concert.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Finally!


Football season is finally here, and I'm heading to T-town in the morning to get my game on. The humidity is waning and the air is starting to cool off. Damn I love this time of year.