Rumors

The coaching saga at Bama has reached laughable proportions, and I'm not even talking about the bumbling idiots who run the program. I'm talking about the ridiculous speculation and rampant rumor mongers who are taking over the internet and radio airwaves. The comments range from people with "reliable sources" to absurd sightings of coaches and private jets. Here are some recent examples of the hilarity that has ensued:

"I have a friend whose wife shops at the same grocery store as Jerri Spurrier and says that she was seen wearing a crimson red shirt on Sunday."

"A friend of mine just contacted me with some news. not sure how to take it though, but his fiance works for FOX 6 here in birmingham and she said that they had a story that they are breaking tomorrow. according to her a player from UA reported that the team meeting tonight is to announce that Steve Spurrier will be the next head coach at the University of Alabama. like i said i have heard and read so much that im not sure how true this is but she works at Fox so im sure its pretty reliable."

"I have a very reliable source (lifeguard at the Rec Pool) that said he saw Spurrier coming down the waterslide at the UA Rec Pool today. Like I said VERY RELIABLE SOURCE. He was there. I know the pool was closed, but that is why spurrier was there. He had on a crimson speedo with a white A across the back. His wife was also there in a 1 piece thong swimsuit. Just passing along this info for the readers."

and my personal favorite:

"I live here in TN actually just over an Hour from knoxville and let me tell you the great pumpkin wouldnt curl up in someones arms no no he would run down to Krispy Cream doughnuts and eat the entire damn store. I hate the F'in vols and everything about them. If it was up to me we would put fatty phil and but humpin tommy on a plane to calli and let them just hump eachother all day with pet carrol, now that would be a coaching staff."

"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart. And in our own despair, and against our will, comes Wisdom by the awful Grace of God". -Aeschylus

What's The Deal?

Last night I was channel surfing and came across Howie Mandel doing a 10 minute segment on the Leno show playing Deal or No Deal with the mostly military audience. You could almost see the steam coming out of Jay's ears as he helplessly watched Howie hijack his show with his ludicrous concept of a game show (I didn't mind, of course, because I can't stand Leno). And you could see in Howie's eyes that he thinks he's sitting on top of the world with his comeback success.

What is the deal with Deal or No Deal? This is the dumbest idea for a game show since, well, Let's Make A Deal. This was a show in which contestants/audience members dressed in ridiculous costumes, as if they didn't look or act stupid enough. In fact, most game show concepts and contestants are examples of the overall dumbing down of our society as a whole. Now don't get me wrong- I grew up watching a lot of these shows and still find pleasure in the occasional viewing of Jeopardy. But at least with Jeopardy you're required to have a functioning cranium in order to enjoy it. Hell, even The Price Is Right requires some knowledge of the retail pricing of everyday consumer products.

So enjoy it while it lasts, Howie. Because a year from now when your ratings have turned to shit and the collective flock of idiot TV viewers has moved on to the next lame show, NBC will punt your ass to the curb in a heartbeat. Then you can go back to entertaining 12 people a night at The Comedy Pouch in Possum Ridge, Arkansas with your hilarious rubber-glove-on-the-head stand-up routine.

Happy Turkey Day!

The Auburn Game

Well, it's all come down to a one game season for the Tide. Just one win, baby. That's all I'm asking for. For once, Dear Lord, let us beat someone we're not supposed to beat. Just one. Please.

Let Us All Join Together

From saveaumajorettes.com:

The Auburn University Majorettes have a long and proud heritage that has been a true joy to the Auburn faithful. The Majorettes have always led the band at football games, pep rallies, parades and on other special occasions. They are truly an Auburn Institution.

The Majorettes will not be leading the band much longer. The Majorettes are being integrated into a group along with the flag line and pom pom/kickline dancers who were added last year. In an effort to minimize the alumni outcry, the plan is being phased in. The stated plan for next year is for all uniforms to be the same, and all shoes to be the same (no more white boots). Only four majorettes are marching in front of the band, with the other four marching in the back. At pep rallies and in the stands, the majorettes only use pom poms (not their batons) and are grouped with the flag line and dancers, not being allowed to have their own identity.

Thank you for your help in saving this beloved Auburn tradition, and in preserving their great legacy.

Ding Dong, The Madness is Over

I went to exercise my Constitutional right to vote this morning and continued on to work while listening to the pleasant sounds of Music From Big Pink by The Band. I'm just happy not to not be forced to suffer through any more mud-slinging TV and radio ads. Although I shouldn't be surprised, it seems that these campaigns become more and more childish the older I get. I think they should be forced to wrestle rather than record television spots - it'd be a hell of a lot more entertaining.

Did You Know...

Ryan Adams and Bryan Adams have the same birthday, which happened to be yesterday (November 5th). This is very interesting, especially considering how much Ryan just LOVES being compared to Bryan.

Observation of the Week

From Hollywood Elsewhere's Jeffrey Wells:

"Does raunchy, power-chord rock music kick and wail no matter how old the performers, the audience and the guy shooting the concert documentary are? Screw the calendar -- rock is a state of mind. But there's something creepy about grey-haired, turkey-necked, pot-bellied rock musicians getting down on-stage with a sea of AARP fans stompin' and hootin' and whatnot. There's something just 'not right' about this.

Part of the solution (and I know this sounds shallow) lies in dieting, daily workouts, hair dyes and face-lifts. You've got to try and look the part of a rocker or a rock- music fan, and by that I mean a person who doesn't look too sedate or retiring or anesthetized by too much wealth or food. Someone with a passing acquaintance with the biological vitality of life...who takes walks, gets around, owns a bicy- cle and is out there plugging, etc. Someone who doesn't look like an escapee from a managed-care facility.

The only older rocker who hasn't creeped me out is Mick Jagger, who was fantastic when he gave a brief live show at L.A.'s El Rey theatre in '01 -- rail-thin and dark-haired and throttling the entire room with the energy of a 20 year-old. (His performance of "God Gave Me Everything (I Want)" was legendary.) I'm asking this because a few days ago Martin Scorsese, 64, shot a Rolling Stones concert at Manhattan's Beacon Theatre with Jagger, 63 and Keith Richards, 62, blasting away and Bill Clinton, celebrating his 60th birthday, hootin' and yellin' in the orchestra.

Bottom line: rock out in the privacy of your own home (or inside your IPod earphones) until you're dead, but rock is a young person's game and there's just something not cool about rocking out in public if you don't exude at least a semblance of the elan of youth. I think that's putting it fairly...no? Roger Daltry, cool. David Crosby...liposuction."

It's Time

With Bama football continuing to be a source of confusion and frustration, it's time to turn our attention to basketball. I'm one of those rare people who is just as much of a Tide basketball fan as a football fan. I've been attending b-ball games with my dad since I was a kid, and this is as excited as I've been in a long time about our team's chances for a special season.

And while we're on the subject, Ronald Steele is slowly but surely becoming my favorite Bama B-ball player of all-time (a list that includes Mule King, Leon Douglas, Buck Johnson, Mike Davis, Terry Coner, Derrick McKey, Ennis Whatley, Jim Farmer, Roy Rogers and Erwin Dudley). He's the most dependable player we've ever had and is ranked by some polls as the #1 point guard in the country. It's showtime baby!