First of all, I want to offer a sincere apology to all Bama fans out there - the loss was completely my fault. I have two shirts that I got this season to wear to games - a white one and a red one. I wore the white one to every game I attended this season and we won all of them (Clemson, Tulane, Ole Miss, Auburn). I bought the red shirt at some point mid-season but decided not to wear it while I was undefeated in the white shirt. Well, I took both to New Orleans but guess which one I decided to wear to the Sugar Bowl? That's right - the red one. So take heed fellow Bama fans, as I will be burning that shirt today. One good thing that came from the game is that I got to meet some of my boyhood heroes: Barry Krauss and Richard Todd as well as Vince and Barbara Dooley. Here are some of my observations from my first trip to the Big Easy in over 10 years:
- Utah fans are total tools. One even approached a friend of mine on New Year's Eve and said "You guys don't know football - we're gonna kick your ass!" Really? Alabama doesn't know football? That's like one of us saying that Utah doesn't know anything about skiing or polygamy. Of course, the way the game turned out, I guess we don't know shit after all.
- The barbecue shrimp at Mr. B's Bistro is to die for. I'd dip dried turds into that sauce and eat them if I had the chance.
- Pat O's Hurricanes will indeed knock you on your ass if you're not careful.
- The Hand Grenades at Tropical Isle are gay and nothing more than liquid candy with alcohol thrown in.
- Any band of old farts who performs with all of their instruments tuned down a half or whole step should not only be fired but shot as well. They're doing nothing more than flaunting a fake performance on an otherwise unaware audience. If you have to sing LOW harmony on a song that is already tuned DOWN, it's time to retire.
- Some guys have to learn that you don't just toss Mardi Gras beads to anyone who yells for them. You've got to make the chicks earn them, as several were more than willing to do.
- If you're a bouncer at a Bourbon St. bar, it's really not necessary to roll up your short sleeves to expose your big biceps. We get it - you're a badass, even if it is only in your own mind.
- Utah fans are total tools.
- Remember how The Booth in Tuscaloosa smelled? That's how all of New Orleans smells.
- There's something strangely disconcerting when walking Bourbon Street at 5am and realizing that the only folks left are hookers and vagrants. That's when you ask yourself just what the f**k you're doing up at 5am. Fat, drunk and stupid might be a fun way to go through college but now when you're on the cusp of the big 4-0.
- The PA announcer at the Superdome has a voice that is almost annoying as the one at Auburn. His voice sounds like he's pinching his nose while gargling semen (sorry - I just call 'em as a see, er, hear 'em).
- The outcome of the game was NOT Andre Smith's fault, as some have alleged. News Flash: Smitty does not play defense.
- If you're going to eat lunch at the Cracker Barrel in Slidell, LA, go ahead and clear your schedule for at least two hours.
- Did I mention that Utah fans are tools?
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6 comments:
I agree about the "Andre Smith doesn't play defense" comment but if you don't think he was the deal breaker, just as John-Parker. How many times did he end up on his back end in this game and how many total times has he been sacked when Andre played???? New Orleans, ugg.....sounds like if God decides to give the U.S. an enema he's gonna stick it in New Orleans. Glad you are home safe. Happy New Year.
By "all of New Orleans," didn't you mean "all of Bourbon St.?" Looks like that's all you smelled- and after you drink a Hand Grenade, you can't smell anything anyway... next time let me know you're in town- I'll take you somewhere cool.
I appreciate you taking the blame, really I do. But it was totally my fault - or at least we should share the brunt of this loss!!
See... I've worn Crimson Red nail polish on my fingernails since the season opener! I took great pains to find just the right color and make sure I got to the salon before the Clemson game! I've kept that bottle of polish with me ever since AND on my nails.
Well, {hanging my head now in shame}, over the Holidays I was rushed and I took a shortcut. I allowed the girl to put white tips on my nails so she could just buff them and I wouldn't have to wait on the polish to dry! For the first time since before opening day my nails were not painted Crimson Red, YIKES!
I'm so sorry, so shamed... I feel like I should turn in all my Bama gear :-(
RTR,
Tammy
Tommy,
Wish I knew you were down there, I made the trek myself, and hell I even showed my tits for some beads!!! My cousin said it smells like piss and pool water, so very Boothish. I also can take blame for the loss as I have not worn khakis to two games this year that be SEC Champ and Sugar Bowl, so we both deserved our asses kicked and Rolando cannot make every play on D, Rashad Johnson looked very very lost. But we are still way ahead of the curve, good luck next season, Roll Tide.
I disagree with assessment of tuning- the Drive By Truckers tune down a whole step and they own my rectum. But of course, if one were to play a Journey song tuned down, that would not sound good.
I'm sure I could have picked someone besides Journey to make my point...
To clarify: tuning down to write or play your own music is fine. Tuning down to play covers is inexcusable.
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