"Get In The Hole!"

Anyone who has watched golf tournaments on TV has heard this annoying phrase shouted ad nauseam by dorky link losers who are in attendance. I watched The Masters yesterday with intrigue – it was certainly a doozy. But I grew increasingly exasperated by these idiots who wouldn’t shut up after every shot. “Get In The Hole!” is to golf what “Free Bird!” is to live bands. And it’s one thing to do it after a putt while standing around a green. But these morons will holler it while standing beside a tee box on a par 5. I propose that anyone who shouts this phrase be shot on sight. Or at least be tossed off the premises.

Josh

My cousin, Josh Dawson, finally lost his 4 year battle with cancer yesterday, passing away at 36. Josh was one of the most kind and gentle souls I have ever known. He was a loving husband to his dear wife, Bonnie, and as good of a son, brother or friend that you could ask for. He was also a brilliant musician and one of the most talented guitar players my ears have had the pleasure of listening to.


Josh and Bonnie's wedding in Steamboat Colorado five years ago is to this day the most fun and special weekends I've ever had. It was a beautiful occasion when everything came together perfectly - the families, the setting, the weather, etc. This has already been a trying year for me, as I've already lost someone dear to me. But I know Josh is in a better place now and is no longer in pain. I will always love and miss him.

Songs That Should Die A Painfully Slow Death, Pt. 1

Everyone has their own mental list of songs that induce nausea whenever they are played on the radio or anywhere else. As many of you may be shocked to know, I indeed have my own list. Here are but a few of these gems, in no particular order:

1. Missing You - John Waite

This song overstayed (overplayed?) its welcome within months of its release in 1985. And radio is still torturing us with it today. It's an interesting paradox since Waite actually churned out one of my favorite songs of the 80's, Change.

2. Drift Away - Dobie Gray

While not actually a bad song, this ear monster has been so incessantly played on radio over the years, it long ago lost its relevance on classic rock radio and has successfully made the transition to the Geritol generation "oldies" radio format.

3. The Joker - Steve Miller Band

I could really insert any Steve Miller hit in this slot. People still love this song and act like a complete ass whenever it is played by any crappy cover band. If you don't believe me, watch. Speaking of which...

4. Brown-Eyed Girl - Van Morrison

The grandaddy of all irritating and overplayed songs, this ranks up there with Freebird as the most annoyingly requested song of any bar band. 'Nuff said.

5. Walking In Memphis - Mark Cohn

Over the years, I've had more than a few people attempt to convince me just how wonderful this song is. It's not. Turn it off.

6. Life Is A Highway - Tom Cochrane

This song was nettlesome from the moment I heard it. Stupid melody, stupid lyrics - which made it all the more frustrating when I found out later that Cochrane was originally the lead singer in Red Rider, who cranked out a pretty cool song in the 80's, "Lunatic Fringe".

7. American Pie - Don McLean

My mother swears that this was my favorite song as a toddler. I can't imagine why. Don should have hired an editor - the damn song has about 48 verses.

Energy = Ass

I'm a daily coffee drinker but sometimes, for one reason or another, coffee isn't an option and I'm forced to find an alternative. Today I tried a Monster Energy drink. This is after trying an Amp Energy drink a couple of weeks ago. And I have partaken in the occasional Red Bull as well. Besides offering an instant burst of go-go, they all have one other thing in common - they all taste like ass. Why is that? All these different brands and they taste EXACTLY the same. And there are a thousand of these damn things on the market. I wish I had been a fly on the wall when these ad wizards came up with the formula. It's like they peed in a jar of cough syrup and stirred it with a stick of black licorice. I think I've consumed my last one. For now.