Random Thoughts from a Dental Chair

Ah, the things that go through your head while in the dentist's chair. I bring you the 1st Annual White Music Awards. Here we go:

The Whitest of the White Song Award - "Cherish" by The Association. This is the most embarrassing song ever recorded by Caucasians. You'll never hear words and syllables pronounced more correctly in a pop song.

The Sappiest Song of All Time Award - "Sometimes When We Touch" by Dan Hill. He should have been arrested for this recording.

The Happiest Song Award (Solo Artist) - “Daybreak” by Barry Manilow. You can always count on your worries being left behind by the inevitable mid-song Manilow key change.

The Happiest Song Award (Group) - “The Boy From New York City” by The Manhattan Transfer. These people shouldn’t be allowed to have a career in music.

The Saddest Song Award - “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” by Elton John. Although not really embarrassing (I’m a huge Elton fan), it’s still pretty depressing.

The Whitest Retro-50’s Dance Song Award - “December ’63 (Oh What A Night)” by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. They experienced a comeback of sorts in the 70’s with this hit. Alas, it was over before they could organize a tour.

The Most Mistaken for Actual Soul Award - “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers. This song is considered a soulful classic but it’s actually very pale.

The Whitest Brit Song Award - “True” by Spandau Ballet. I don’t know what’s whiter or gayer- the song, the band or the name of the band.

The Whitest Superhero Song Award – “Believe It Or Not” by Joey Scarbury. I slump in my seat whenever I hear this song.

Peace out.