Spankfully Soft

Leave it to VH-1 to hijack my brain with one of their nonsensical lists of distraction. The latest show is "The 40 Most Softsational Soft Rock Songs", which I saw last weekend. This is similar to a list that I touched on recently while on a dental office visit. Embarrassingly enough, I sometimes get on soft rock kicks. In fact, at one time I actually formed an acoustic group called Intellectual Cheese that was going to perform acoustic versions of soft rock classics but alas, we never made it past one practice. So for your vomiting pleasure, here are my 15 favorite Soft Rock songs listed alphabetically by artist (I'm going off my Soft Rock iPod playlist):

1. 10CC - I'm Not In Love
I can't decide when I popped my first boner- the sight of Cher's shiny, tan bare shoulders on The Sonny & Cher show or when I first heard the soft whisper of the randy chick in the middle of this song.

2. Lost In Love - Air Supply
My band The Uptown Rulers once played this song at Oak Hill when we were dog tired thinking that it would surely run off the late night crowd. We regrettably miscalculated the results - the fucking crowd ate it up and actually danced.

3. Time Passages - Al Stewart
The nasally British voice of Al Stewart has always been oh so soothing to me. I love the passive aggressiveness of the drums at the ending fadeout.

4. You're The Only Woman - Ambrosia
What a perfect name for a soft rock band. David Pack rivals David Gates as the king of soft rock melodies.

5. Lonely Boy - Andrew Gold
Lyrically, this song is just downright peculiar. One of the few tunes which has a beat and counter melody that baffles me to this day.

6. Too Much Heaven - The Bee Gees
My friend David and I used to be able to accurately mock this entire song in falsetto. We could also sing all the parts in "We Are The World". Good Lord we were/are dorks.

7. Into The Night - Benny Mardones
This guy actually had a hit TWICE with this song. He had the balls to re-record and re-release this piece of crap several years after it hit the first time. I love the way he moans achingly during the fadeout. How creepy is it that he's singing about a 16 year-old? He's also one ugly dude.

8. Superstar - The Carpenters
Only Karen Carpenter could get away with singing such dumb lyrics. The scene in Tommy Boy when Farley and Spade tearfully sing along to this classic is priceless.

9. Baby What A Big Surprise - Chicago
I got 50 stitches in my leg during a Halloween accident in second grade and my dad bought me the Chicago XI record while I was laid up. I love this album, as it contains this song, which is one of my all-time guilty pleasures.

10. Christopher Cross - The entire first album
My dad was addicted to this album and took me to see CC at Samford University for my second concert ever. Simply the greatest soft rock album ever.

11. Leader Of The Band - Dan Fogelberg
What a compelling story this song describes. Dan's breathy vocal delivery always tugged at my heart strings.

12. If You Could Read My Mind - Gordon Lightfoot
Gordo brought game with this classic, although I didn't know what the hell he was talking about at the time.

13. Hot Rod Hearts - Robbie Dupree
Talk about "where are they now". What the hell ever happened to this guy? This song contains one of the gayest lines ever: "Two lips touchin together - Cheek to cheek, sweatshirt to sweater."

14. Escape - Rupert Holmes
This song was an inescapable hit in 1979. Talk about brain hijack- try getting this bitch out of your head once it gets in.

15. Magnet And Steel - Walter Egan
Gay title, gay song. But God, I love it. The background vocals of Stevie Nicks and Linda Ronstadt combined with the toy piano counter melody arpeggio is a magnet in of itself.