Wednesday, April 23, 2008

'Dega



On the way to the ATL yesterday, I couldn't help but notice the thousands of RV's already parked in the field in front of Talladega Superspeedway for this weekend's big NASCAR event. Yesterday was Tuesday. The races are Saturday and Sunday. What the f**k are these people going to do for four days? I know - stupid question. They're gonna drink beer, grill out and get laid. But at least when RVer's converge in a college town for a football game, they can kill time by walking around campus and perusing the various shops & restaurants. But at 'Dega? You're in a f**king pasture.

That being said, everyone needs to experience a race in Talladega at least once. I still maintain that for people-watching (if you're into that sort of thing), Talladega is the Mecca - even moreso than Mullet Toss Weekend at The Flora-Bama. I don't know where the hell these people come from of what rock they live under, but it makes you glad to be among civilized humans for the other 364 days of the year.

Still The Man



My previous reference to Daniel Day-Lewis notwithstanding (thanks Fred), Nick Lowe is without a doubt still The Man. I had the privilege of seeing him perform for the first time last night in the ATL, and it was one of the most satisfying shows I've ever witnessed. In fact, several times I found myself grinning from ear to ear with enjoyment. Simply put, when it comes to clever pop songs, there's no one else who compares.

Exhibit A:

All Men Are Liars

All men are liars
Their words ain't worth no more than worn out tires.
Hey girls, bring rusty pliers to pull this tooth.
All men are liars
And that's the truth.

Do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit that was ghastly.
He said Im never gonna give you up or let you down.
Well Im here to tell ya that Dicks a clown
Though he was just a boy when he made that vow.
Id bet it all that he knows by now.

Among gods creatures man must be
The most slimy and slippery now.
There stands the naked ape in a monkey suite,
Behind a little mustache he grew, the shifty brute.
All the ones not choking on the words they ate
Are sweating on getting their stories straight.

All men are liars
Their words ain't worth no more than worn out tires.
Hey girls, bring rusty pliers to pull this tooth.
All men are liars
And that's the truth.


I rest my case.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Son of Beetch



I finally got around to seeing There Will Be Blood over the weekend and I'm sure of two things: 1) Daniel Day-Lewis definitely deserved his Best Actor Oscar, and 2) his character, Daniel Plainview, is the biggest son of a bitch I have ever witnessed on a movie screen. And by "son of a bitch" character, I don't necessarily mean evil or villainous types (a la Darth Vader or Hannibal Lecter). I mean characters made of such narcissistic fortitude that they have not an ounce of compassion or commiseration whatsoever for other human beings. There have been some doozies through the years - Al Pacino as Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part 2 and Gene Hackman as Little Bill in Unforgiven come to mind.

Much has been made of Day-Lewis's despicable character and the now classic "I Drink Your Milkshake!" quote. I don't want to give away too much to those who haven't seen the film, but his behavior and treatment of others, including his own son, is utterly loathsome. Many have accused Day-Lewis of over-acting in this performance and others. I disagree. Sometimes this type of performance can actually transcend the actual film itself and become one of those rare "larger than life" roles. This is a prime example. Daniel Day-Lewis is The Man.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Number Please


Have you ever tried saying the actual dish name and not the number when ordering off a menu at a Mexican restaurant? Some of the server's reactions are priceless. At one particular joint that I frequent, I'll use this method purposefully just to get that blank, deer-in-headlights stare. The other day I said "chicken fajitas, please" and I might as well have said "cup of hot fat". They sure know their numbered dishes but if you veer off the chosen path, it's like driving a car into a tree. No other type of restaurant uses this system. Needless to say, I'm having a random thought day due to lack of sleep.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Sinister Minister



I was a witness to something utterly bizarre last weekend. My longtime band, Three Hour Tour, played at our drummer's brother's wedding reception in the ATL on Saturday. Since the crowd was composed of mostly twenty-somethings, it got pretty wild on the dance floor. Surprisingly, the ringleader of the dance troupe was none other than the minister himself. He was a young fella, appearing to be in his mid to late 30's (that's right - I said young), and could bust a move with the best of them. Certainly not something you see every day.

At one point, the bride approached us between songs and said that the minister had a special request. Turns out he wanted to hear a little "Back In Black". Now, we know and are capable of playing exactly two AC/DC songs. One of them is "Dirty Deeds". The other? "Highway To Hell" of course. The four of us looked at each other, knowing what was going through all of our minds. Without saying a word, we launched into "Highway To Hell". Lo and behold, the minister dug it. He proceeded to rock out in his white collar to the beat of that devil song, surrounded by every wedding guest holding their cameras in the air trying to obtain evidence of this man of the cloth gyrating to the AC/DC classic. All you could see from the stage were camera flashes. It was quite a surreal moment. After the song was over, we even had the balls to call him the "Sinister Minister" over the microphone.

Eventually things died down and we took a break. My band mate, Jondie (last name unknown), and me saw the minister near the exit. He complimented us on our playing and we complimented him on his dance moves. During our conversation, Jondie correctly surmised that no matter what kind of music one prefers or what walk of life one chooses or what age they might be, everyone has a favorite AC/DC song. He heartily agreed. I noticed he was on his way out the door.

"Aw man, are you leaving already? We've got a whole other set of classics coming up," I said.

"I've got church tomorrow," he answered. Why of course.

Jondie and I hung our heads in shame, said goodbye and walked away.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Why Now?


In recent days there have been numerous stories of worldwide protests regarding the 2008 Summer Olympics being hosted by China, whose record regarding human rights is hardly stellar. China has traditionally drawn protests for these and other issues. These reasons have included child labor laws, apartheid towards Tibetans, treatment of religious and ethnic minorities, organ harvesting, torture of prisoners and forced abortions due to their "One-Child" policy. I remember being surprised 8 years ago that Beijing was even in the running for an Olympic site. I was even more amazed that there was no uproar, and still none when they were indeed awarded the winning bid in 2001.

So why are all the protesters coming out of the closet now? Where were they 7 years ago? Why wait until the torch-carrying process mere months before the event to aim vitriolic rants against the Chinese government? And now Hillary Clinton is demanding that President Bush call for a boycott of the games this summer. Nice try, Hillary. If this issue is so important, you should have lobbied for a boycott 7 years ago. Now it sounds like nothing more than political poppycock in the midst of a tense campaign.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The 'WTF' Story Of The Day



AP- Parents Sushma, left, and Vinod Singh pose with their daughter Lali at their residence in Saini Sunpura, 50 kilometers (31 miles) east of New Delhi, India, Tuesday, April 8, 2008. The baby with two faces, two noses, two pairs of lips and two pairs of eyes was born on March 11 in a northern Indian village, where she is doing well and is being worshipped as the reincarnation of a Hindu goddess, her father said Tuesday.

Think Yu Fer Cawling



I hate to sound like one of those "Did you ever notice...?" comedians, but did you ever notice that just about every company with telephone customer service seems to employ only foreigners who can barely speak English? How much sense does this make? It's like hiring a blind person to be a delivery driver or me to be a fashion consultant. It's frustrating enough to suffer through the maze of automated options before you actually get an opportunity to speak to a human - and when you finally do reach the finish line, you're greeted by a voice that is impossible to understand. I just don't get it.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Madras Shorts. Why?



Sorry I've been AWOL lately. I've had a shitty week and decided to spare all my peeps out there my incessant bitching and moaning. But I will discuss something that has been on my mind since they became popular again a couple of years ago - madras shorts. How can any male put these things on, look in the mirror, and NOT think to themselves, "These are the gayest things in the world."

I've never claimed to be a fashion expert; in fact, I've confessed many times on this blog that I am indeed a complete fashion moron. However, like bow ties, suspenders and visors, this just seems like an obvious faux pas. Am I missing something?