R.I.P. Paul Newman

Quite simply, he was one of the coolest mofos to ever walk the face of the earth.

The Newman Foundation issued this statement:

"Paul Newman's craft was acting. His passion was racing. His love was his family and friends. And his heart and soul were dedicated to helping make the world a better place for all. Paul had an abiding belief in the role that luck plays in one's life, and its randomness. He was quick to acknowledge the good fortune he had in his own life, beginning with being born in America, and was acutely aware of how unlucky so many others were. True to his character, he quietly devoted himself to helping offset this imbalance. An exceptional example is the legacy of Newman's Own. What started as something of a joke in the basement of his home, turned into a highly-respected, multi-million dollar a year food company. And true to form, he shared this good fortune by donating all the profits and royalties he earned to thousands of charities around the world, a total which now exceeds $250 million. While his philanthropic interests and donations were wide-ranging, he was especially committed to the thousands of children with life-threatening conditions served by the Hole in the Wall Camps, which he helped start over 20 years ago. He saw the Camps as places where kids could escape the fear, pain and isolation of their conditions, kick back, and raise a little hell. Today, there are 11 Camps around the world, with additional programs in Africa and Vietnam. Through the Camps, well over 135,000 children have had the chance to experience what childhood was meant to be.

"We will miss our friend Paul Newman, but are lucky ourselves to have known such a remarkable person."

Amen to that.

Shocking News

The recent newsbreak that Clay Aiken is gay is shocking. The Clay-nation is understandably up in arms over this startling revelation. All those women who had crushes on Clay will just have to look elsewhere for dream salvation - perhaps Ricky Martin or Tom Cruise can fulfill this role.

In other news, John McCain is old, Star Jones had gastric bypass surgery, and Terrence Cody is HUGE.

This Is Beautiful

Gator fan hijacks Tennessee's Wikipedia page - hilarity ensues.

This Is Our Country

Lately, there has been a trend of pop/rock artists reinventing themselves as country artists. And it has become rather annoying. It all started a couple of years ago when Jon Bon Jovi released a country album that went nowhere. This year, Jessica Simpson and now Darius Rucker have released country albums, and although the sales have been positive, this "comeback" strategy still reeks of desperation. Not that today's country music stars are worth a shit to begin with. With very few exceptions, the music on today's country music charts would make Eddy Arnold puke. It also doesn't help when you have posers like Kid Rock releasing piece of crap singles to country radio as well. These artists need to stick with what they know, even if it isn't much to begin with.

The Great Southern Freakout

Here in Bama, nothing rallies the troops like a good ol' panic situation. A perfect example of this is when there's a chance of snow (or even sleet) during the colder months. You'd think that we're about to get blindsided by a blizzard of epic proportions.

This time there's a freakout over the impending arrival of Hurricane Ike, which isn't even supposed to affect our state, at least weather-wise. However, it will cause many oil rigs in the Gulf to shut down and halt production TEMPORARILY. In fact, according to today's Birmingham News, this will cause a spike in gas prices of 40-50 cents a gallon over the next few weeks. So how is our community reacting? By going completely apeshit. I've had several co-workers leave work today just so they can fill up their gas tanks. They're warning me that I need to fill up my own gas tank immediately - that there are lines at all the gas stations and that the prices are gonna go up to five bucks a gallon. You'd think that the apocalypse was upon us. Calm down, folks. The same panic occurred right before Hurricane Ivan, and we didn't run out of gas then.

Football, barbecue, incest, tobacco, fried food, intolerance, mullets, drunken aggression, country music - collective freakouts are just one more of many proud Southern traditions.

The Wave

I'm proud to say that I've never participated in this mindless activity - never have and never will. I don't know when it started but it's annoying, especially when there is game action going on. And there is always some tool(s) who feel it necessary to turn around and act as "wave monitors", scolding those of us who have the audacity to sit it out and actually pay attention to the sporting event which we paid for. Keep on preaching to us, buddy. And after you're done, please sit down and shut up.

Snowman

Sorry for my lengthy hiatus but I've been unavoidably detained as of late. Sadly, I must mark my return with the passing of a legend. Singer, songwriter, actor extraordinaire Jerry Reed died the other day at the age of 71. Jerry will be remembered for many things but, most notably for me, he's best known as being Burt Reynolds's sidekick, Cletus Snow, in the all-time classic, Smokey & The Bandit.

When I was a kid, my grandfather had a 700 acre cattle farm where you could participate in every type of outdoor activity you can think of. There was also an indoor activity that came into our lives at that time: the Betamax. For the uninformed, Betamax was the first video cassette player - it was around even before the VCR. I remember the overwhelming feeling of disbelief when my grandfather first showed it to us. All of us kids were dumbfounded:

"Wait...whatha? You mean we can watch movies on a tape?!? And you can even pause and rewind?!? Cool!!!"

Honest to God, that was our reaction. It was like discovering time travel. He had three movies: Smokey & The Bandit, Star Wars and some piece of crap Rock Hudson movie called Embryo. Needless to say, I watched Smokey and Star Wars over an over and over - I have seen these two movies, especially Smokey, more than any other in my life. I can say without exaggeration that I have seen Smokey & The Bandit at least 250 times (probably much more). So Jerry Reed's "Snowman" character holds a special place in my cold heart. From the time I was 8 years-old, I could recite every line, re-enact every scene and sing every song from that movie (and probably still can). It came in handy years later when The Inlaws stormed the Southeast with "Eastbound And Down" and our Bandit quotes from the stage.

So long, Snowman. We'll miss you.