Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead!

By witch, I mean the '98 Toyota Corolla that I've been driving for 8 1/2 years. And she didn't actually die, although it was almost time to pull the plug due to the slow, impending knocking of death's door. I actually bought a new car over the weekend and somehow suckered the dealership into taking my car in on a trade. My favorite moment was when the Toyota dude asked if I needed a minute to say goodbye. I politely told him that I had spent plenty of minutes with that car (approximately 4,392,000), and he could go ahead and haul that bitch away. I really shouldn't say that- we had some good times together. But it's time to move on.

So anyway, I bought a new (used) 2004 Toyota Highlander. I finally have a real car, and one with plenty of room to pack my music gear on top of that. And my new geeky, guilty pleasure is the keyless entry function that the rest of the world has been taking advantage of for years. So if you see this vehicle in your rear view mirror, get the 'f' out of the way, bitches!

Fun Tailgating Ideas, Part 1

Step 1
Think of a radical food to put in the deep fryer - in this case White Castle burgers.


Step 2
Examine your masterpiece and dare someone to taste this artful delicacy, which is rather easy when alcohol is involved.


Step 3
Prepare for anal explosion while simultaneously performing CPR on the victim due to massive coronary.

Game On

Tide schedules first practice, Fan Day

From The Tuscaloosa News


The University of Alabama announced that fall football practice will begin Aug. 3, one day after newcomers report, and confirmed that it will hold a Fan Day on Aug. 5.

Although details have yet to be announced, the event has been scheduled for 4:30 p.m. The Crimson Tide will hold media day and practice earlier Sunday.

The First day of the fall semester is Aug. 22, with Alabama hosting Western Carolina at Bryant-Denny Stadium on Sept. 1. Time of the game has yet to be announced.

Why?

It never ceases to amaze me how young men with the kind of athletic ability and gazillions of dollars that Michael Vick has throw it all away because of blatant thuggery and downright idiocy. Dumbass.

Home Again

This Friday, Three Hour Tour makes their triumphant return to the place we've called home for almost the past decade. The Brick Deli in Decatur became our unofficial headquarters after we started playing again regularly in the late 90's, and we've had many frazy nights there since then. Unfortunately, The Brick was destroyed by a fire last October. Since then, the good folks there have moved to another location and worked tirelessly to re-open bigger and better than before, which they did last month. Also quite unfortunately, they managed to salvage the goddamn hippo that you see pictured above. I still have scars on my head from stumbling into it countless times while onstage.

This will be also our first time to play period since last Halloween, marking the longest gap we've had since I can remember. It occured to me the other day that in a few years, we'll be celebrating our (gulp) 20th anniversary of performing together. It was 23 years ago that I met Beau and Jondie at summer camp and formed the bond that would lead to Three Hour Tour years later in college with my even older friend, David. Below is the first known photo of me performing publicly, which happened to be at camp with Beau beating on a couple of chlorine cans. For the record, we were 15 years-old and played a stirring rendition of "Blister In The Sun". Cheers.

Beckham

For months we've been inundated with the hype over David Beckham coming to America to play in whatever professional soccer league we have here(I honestly don't know). Personally, I've about had it with the David Beckham hype as well as the incessant rallying cry this overrated sport. Does anyone really expect for Beckham to break soccer wide open in this country? I hardly think so. After all, Pele couldn't do it, and he was one of the most recognizable athletes of the 70's. I'm of the majority opinion that soccer is about as exciting as watching cars rust. While I admire and respect the athletic ability of these players, I also admire the ability of trapeeze artists and curlers. That doesn't mean that I want to participate in or watch them on television. Peace out.

Beatallica

Spinal Tap said it best: "There's a fine line between stupid...and clever."

Someone sent me a link to a band called Beatallica, who play Beatles songs with Metallica riffs and attitude. I'm usually pretty apprehensive about parody bands. And upon first reading about these guys, I leaned toward stupid. Then I listened to the tracks- now I'm thinking clever. The singer (Jaymz Lennfield) sounds EXACTLY like James Hetfield. And the songs and album covers are pretty crative as well. I'd like to see them live to get the full effect. Anyway, check these out:

The Man

I've been listening to a lot of Nick Lowe lately, especially his latest, At My Age. Nick was once a power pop songwriting master who wrote smart, catchy tunes like "Cruel To Be Kind" and "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding". In the late '90s, he re-invented himself with a low-key, crooning style that mixes a country/R&B/Stax/Tijuana brass sound with extremely clever lyrics to create an aural melting pot. Upon first listen, it was immediately familiar yet unlike anything I've ever heard. And it's bloody brilliant and cool. Fellow music lovers- do check it out if you have a chance. His other albums in this style include The Impossible Bird, Dig My Mood, The Convincer and a live album called Untouched Takeaway.

Goobers Of The Century (so far) and the (Re) Birth of Outlaw Country

Don't ask me how I stumbled upon these trailblazers of the neo-outlaw movement. Is it just me or are there outlaw country/southern rock bands everywhere now? These guys look like the biggest rubes on the circuit. Oh Lord, how did it come to this?

I remember well the day 14 years ago that my buddy Allen approached me one night at The Booth about joining an "outlaw country" band he was forming with my former Orphan idols. At the time, I didn't know WTF outlaw country was and I really didn't expect it to have any effect whatsoever on the music listening public. In fact, I thought Al was a few cards short of a full deck. However, that was the beginning of my whoredom, so I said "Sure, what the hell."

We practiced the songs for nearly a year before our first gig, which was a random night at The Booth in T-town. We sauntered onto the stage, tuned up and looked at each other thinking "What the hell are we getting ourselves into?" While learning the songs, we had never discussed any type of stage show or onstage banter, so there was an awkward moment when we just stood there looking like deer staring at headlights. And believe me, no one and I mean NO ONE was playing anything remotely similar to this stuff. Suddenly, a voice BOOMED into the mic. "HOWDY PEOPLE! HOW THE HELL ARE YA DOIN'? MAKE SOME FUCKIN' NOISE!!" Without warning, at 120 decibels, Shun Jennings was born. And with that, a once dying genre was reborn as well.

Lo and behold, people ate that shit up and for the next 6 years, I immersed myself in a new/old style of music that I had never dared or cared to listen to. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but The Inlaws were at least 5 years ahead of our time. And apparently, we got out at just the right time. Before the term "alt-country" was coined. Before the onslaught of copycats. Before tools like Tumbleweed Junction took over and ruined a good thing.

The Two Most Annoying Sentences In The English Language

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