Who's Gonna Be The Next Gay Republican Out Of The Closet?

In light of Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig's arrest for "lewd conduct in a men's room", Republicans have once again put themselves under the microscope. It's become an annual rite of passage for Republicans on Capitol Hill to come under fire for questionable homosexual behavior. And it's funny how it always seems to be the ones who are the most adamantly against gay rights that get busted for these acts.

So who will the next one be? My money's on Saxby Chambliss of Georgia. Why? 'Cause he has such a gay name. And he just looks like the kind of old man who'd like to be peed on by other men.

I'm Nick Saban, Bitch!

Keep Off The Strip

Dear Alabama Football Players,

After yet another one of your teammates, Simeon Castille, was arrested last weekend at 2AM on The Strip in T-town, I implore you to refrain from being anywhere near The Strip anytime after 10:00PM and concentrate on annihilating Western Carolina in less than two weeks. With the exception of catching a glimpse of a drunk coed's titties, there is absolutely nothing positive that can happen on The Strip after midnight. Use your brain and just stay the fuck away from there.

Sincerely,

TT Coe

The Mania is Building...

Alabama fans are about to blow a load over the impending football season set to open in two weeks. At work, on the radio, on the street- everywhere you go people are awash with waves of crimson crazy. It's completely understandable. All you have to do is close your eyes and visualize Dumbose the seal, Fran the fraud, Price the horndog and Shula the deer in headlights. It's been a frustrating roller coaster of a decade in the Bama nation. All we've wanted is some stability and a true leader. And with Nick, it appears that we've found the right guy. Now people need to rattle their brains and dig in for the long haul, because it's gonna take some time. Sure, we may break off a big win or two this year (hopefully over TN and Aub) but Nicky's going to need a couple of years to install his system and instill a winning mindset into the players who are already here. After all, we're talking about guys who are used to playing close for three quarters only to have the rug yanked out from under them in the fourth.

So keep on livin' and keep on dreamin' Tide fans. Go ahead with your dreams of a 600 yards-per-game offense and 10 wins this season. Keep on sleeping with a smile on your face with visions of Nick peeing on you while you rub it in. Go crazy!

Get On Board- Start Hating Tennessee Early

Dammit I'm ready for college football! Why? Because of stuff like this. Here is a classic quote from Clay Travis of CBS Sportsline (who himself is a Vol fan):

The Michigan Wolverines sort of remind me of my Tennessee Vols- Outrageously talented, Saturdays full of pageantry with a fight song that's fun to hum, a stadium that seats over 100,000 people, and a coach who has not said anything interesting in about 20 years. Oh, and they find ways to have great seasons yet still leave all of their fans feeling unfulfilled. Basically UT and Michigan are to college football what dry humping is to sex.

Totally Useless Info of the Day

If you eat salted cashews while drinking Raspberry Lemonade flavored Crystal Light, the aftertaste kinda tastes like Froot Loops. Cool - I think I'm on to something!

Wh...What Did He Just Say?

This is an actual quote from first-year University of Miami head coach Randy Shannon commenting about two of his players, Graig Cooper and Javarris James. When asked about Cooper in the spring, Shannon said:

"I think Coop did a great job. He brought some some excitement to the team. And he's a calm guy. He's not an arrogant or flamboyant guy. Believe it or not, he and Javarris James are kind of like butt buddies."

Crowded House - Time On Earth

I've had this album for two weeks now and have literally listened to it over and over since then while exercising or driving my car. This is one of those albums that doesn't hit you right away. In fact, I thought it was pretty average upon my first listen. But I have faith in Neil Finn, so I kept playing it. And oh, how I've been rewarded. Like all my favorite albums, this is one that you have to allow time to trickle over you like a weak-streamed shower with shitty water pressure. While the subject matter isn't entirely up-lifting- a lot of it deals indirectly with the loss of original drummer Paul Hester to suicide a few years ago- it still grabs ahold of you and infects your soul. Time On Earth may not rank as high as Temple Of Low Men, but it's close. "Don't Stop Now", "Pour Le Monde" and "She Walked Her Way Down" are instant CH classics. And Neil Finn should be included in any discussion of the greatest rock/pop songwriters of this or any era. And to top it off, I'm getting to see them for the first time next month in Hotlanta, albeit without Hester- R.I.P.

Oh Goody!

Gotta love the outdoor summer gigs. Tonight, we (The Uptown Rulers) are playing for a party at Vulcan Park and wouldn't you know that this is going to be the hottest day of the summer so far. Earlier this week on the local NBC affiliate's morning show (which is gayer than a Pontiac Aztek but that's for another day), the forecast for the week included descriptions for each day - "Afternoon Showers", "Cloudy and Muggy", etc. For Thursday (today) it actually said "Really Hot". Then today it was updated with "Mighty Hot". Fantastic! I can't begin to tell you how much I enjoy loading band equipment in July and sweating my balls off. But hey, I know, that's why they pay us.