Paul Is Dead - R.I.P.

Paul Gleason, one of my favorite character actors, died over the weekend at the age of 67. Some of you may recognize him from one of his many memorable roles in such classics as The Breakfast Club, Die Hard and Johnny Be Good. My personal favorite moment of his was as the henchman Clarence Beeks in Trading Places when he uttered the immortal line, ""I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain." Along with J.T. Walsh, he was one of the great unsung heroes of 80's cinema. We'll miss you man.

On a side note, I noticed the negative comments on my last post. Being a stickler for free speech, I don't make a habit of deleting comments (unless it's spam) so I'll leave them there. But for the love of God, I don't see when or how I could have possibly pissed off someone enough to warrant such hateful personal comments. For whatever it's worth (and I freely admit that it ain't much), my "rants and raves" are simply my opinions and are no more than just cheese whiz for cyberspace. But if it makes you feel better, then whatever.

American Nightmare

So another season of American Idol has ended. And with it the lives of countless losers who have nothing better to live for. Pardon my cynicism but I can’t take it anymore. It’s amazing to me how much people get caught up in this hysteria. I was listening to my favorite local talk show yesterday and people were calling in with drool dripping from their tongues talking about Taylor Hicks and the American Idol experience. In fact, after performing a lame 3 keys lower than the original version of “Levon” Tuesday night, one woman said of Taylor (and I’m NOT kidding), “Taylor sings Elton John better than Elton himself.” Excuse me?!? That mofo has written some of the most recognizable melodies in pop music history. Lady, will you pleeeease pull your head out of your ass long enough to realize that American Idol is nothing more than a glorified karaoke contest?

Look, I have nothing against Taylor Hicks, other than the fact that he acts like a complete dork when he performs. He’s an average singer and a better than average performer. The gray-haired cokehead had nothing to lose when he sauntered into Vegas for AI tryouts, so more power to him. But comparing him to Elton John?!? Are you fucking kidding me? People like the aforementioned idiot lady have lost their freaking minds. And this is the problem I have with this show and others like it. It plays to the dumbass mentality that Americans have adapted. I’m not sure how it happened but America has become so dumbed down that they see AI as a true evaluator of raw talent. Let’s get one thing straight- it’s not. And when did Prince sell out and become a whore? He’s the last artist I would have expected to appear on that show, yet there he was jiggling his ass around the stage in his high heels to hock his new album.

There’s a reason why there isn’t an American Banker or an American Jeweler or and American I Can Hit A 90 MPH Fastball Just Like A Major Leaguer show. It’s because not everyone has the types of skills necessary to perform these tasks in an extraordinary manner on a consistent basis. It takes a special talent to perform these functions. But all of a sudden, people think they can be a star just Randy, Paula and Simon say so. Give me a break. Those of you who know me are aware that I myself am a musician and have been known to whore my talents on occasion. But I also know my limitations, and I know that no matter how talented one might be, it all comes down to simple luck and who you know.

Disturbing Photo of the Week

This is apparently from a McDonald's ad in India. I'm speechless.

It's Called Fiction - Look Into It.

I've had enough with all the discussion and protest over the theatrical release of The Davinci Code. I've seen countless news stories about how clergymen and Christians are up in arms over the film. Why are all these people wasting their time anyway? It's a work of FUCKING FICTION! Get over it! If you don't want to see it, then don't!

Am I Missing Something?

In case you haven't watched a television in the last couple of years, poker has exploded into one of the most popular sources of tv entertainment. And I have no idea why. Dorky men with small penises have been playing poker since the days of the old west. So why all of a sudden is it so goddamn popular? And what's with these goons who wear shades while they're playing (see picture)? And why do these same idiots insist that poker is a "sport"? It's no more a sport than crossword puzzles or hangman. It's just a friggin' game that requires skills and smarts. I don't care how much dough some of these guys are winning- they need to get lives.

And For My Next Stunt...

Hey David Blaine, here's a suggestion for your next "stunt"- how about seeing how long you can go without being an attention whore? What a tool.

The F*#%ing Braves

I realize that the few of you who read this could care less about The Atlanta Braves but I really don’t give a rat's ass. I need to rant about my favorite MLB team or else I'll go crazy, so just allow me this little space. First of all, I’m a true fan. I’ve followed this team since I could walk- I’m not one of these fair-weather yahoos who latched on during the championship run during the 90’s.

Generally for me, the Braves fall into three categories during the course of a game or season. First, there’s the Braves- that’s the team we’ve come to know over the past 14 years who win division titles and play above and beyond everyone else; then there’s the Stupid Braves- when they’re squandering away a lead by committing any number of faux paux’s during a game, whether it’s walking hitters for no reason or committing pointless errors; finally, there’s the Fucking Braves (aka Slaves)- when they’re so inept that the season is on the brink of going in the tank. That’s the position they’re in as of this date. Currently they’re 13-18 and in third place, eight games behind the goddamn Mets. And it’s frustrating because of all major league clubs, they possess the best and deepest organization of talent at every level. So what the hell is going on with this team? I’m going to pretend I’m an expert and point out a few things that concern me. I’m not going to count injuries because that is something that is out of the team’s control. Anyway, here’s the way I see it:

1) The lead-off spot – Marcus Giles was going to be a risk anyway, and he’s proving that he is not a lead-off type hitter. His OBP is in the low .200’s and he’s better suited for the #2 spot.
2) Jeff Francoer – It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Frenchy would have difficulty repeating last year’s near Rookie Of The Year season. He swings at EVERYTHING and has no discipline at the plate. Hellooooo Terry Pendleton?
3) Adam Laroche – I’m sorry Bobby Cox, but Laroche is just not cutting it at first base. We’ve been waiting for him to come around for two years and he strikes out way too much. He's too high in the order- Brian McCann can hit circles around him. I’m afraid it’s time to trade Rochy and bring up James Jurries.
4) The bullpen – Geez Louise with a sack of peas it seems like this is an issue every year. Reitsma’s not getting the job done and the rest of the crew is just too damn inconsistent. This rant has already been long enough.
5) Starting pitching - I don't know WTF is going on with the starters. Like the great Leo always says- JUST THROW STRIKES!

If things don’t turn around soon, it’s going to be a long season. I’m already tired of looking up at the Mets’ ballsack. Then again, maybe I’m just an impatient bastard. Word.

Picture of the Week

United 93

When I first heard about this movie, my immediate reaction was that it was going to be ripe with cheesiness and exploitation. I couldn't believe anyone would want to see it. However, I recently read some excellent reviews from movie critics whose opinions I respect, so I decided to see it the other night. I could not have been more wrong. This might be the most intense and powerful film I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. It's pretty much shot in real time and feels more like a documentary than a Hollywood movie. Much of it showed how the nation's military and air traffic controllers dealt with the looming crisis- it was quite fascinating. The timing of my decision to see it, however, could not have been worse. I'm actually flying twice in the next two weeks, and this is not the kind of movie you'd want to see if you're ever planning on flying again. May the force be with me.