The F*#%ing Braves

I realize that the few of you who read this could care less about The Atlanta Braves but I really don’t give a rat's ass. I need to rant about my favorite MLB team or else I'll go crazy, so just allow me this little space. First of all, I’m a true fan. I’ve followed this team since I could walk- I’m not one of these fair-weather yahoos who latched on during the championship run during the 90’s.

Generally for me, the Braves fall into three categories during the course of a game or season. First, there’s the Braves- that’s the team we’ve come to know over the past 14 years who win division titles and play above and beyond everyone else; then there’s the Stupid Braves- when they’re squandering away a lead by committing any number of faux paux’s during a game, whether it’s walking hitters for no reason or committing pointless errors; finally, there’s the Fucking Braves (aka Slaves)- when they’re so inept that the season is on the brink of going in the tank. That’s the position they’re in as of this date. Currently they’re 13-18 and in third place, eight games behind the goddamn Mets. And it’s frustrating because of all major league clubs, they possess the best and deepest organization of talent at every level. So what the hell is going on with this team? I’m going to pretend I’m an expert and point out a few things that concern me. I’m not going to count injuries because that is something that is out of the team’s control. Anyway, here’s the way I see it:

1) The lead-off spot – Marcus Giles was going to be a risk anyway, and he’s proving that he is not a lead-off type hitter. His OBP is in the low .200’s and he’s better suited for the #2 spot.
2) Jeff Francoer – It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Frenchy would have difficulty repeating last year’s near Rookie Of The Year season. He swings at EVERYTHING and has no discipline at the plate. Hellooooo Terry Pendleton?
3) Adam Laroche – I’m sorry Bobby Cox, but Laroche is just not cutting it at first base. We’ve been waiting for him to come around for two years and he strikes out way too much. He's too high in the order- Brian McCann can hit circles around him. I’m afraid it’s time to trade Rochy and bring up James Jurries.
4) The bullpen – Geez Louise with a sack of peas it seems like this is an issue every year. Reitsma’s not getting the job done and the rest of the crew is just too damn inconsistent. This rant has already been long enough.
5) Starting pitching - I don't know WTF is going on with the starters. Like the great Leo always says- JUST THROW STRIKES!

If things don’t turn around soon, it’s going to be a long season. I’m already tired of looking up at the Mets’ ballsack. Then again, maybe I’m just an impatient bastard. Word.