...So Put Away Your Make-up...

This is for the ladies out there (and I guess some of the cross-dressing men). Please be sure to put on your make-up before you leave the house or after you reach your destination. I can't tell you how many times I've nearly been struck or driven off the road by a female attempting to apply make-up while driving. From cell phones to stereos to maladroit pedestrians, there are enough distractions to deal with these days while attempting to operate a motor vehicle. We certainly don't need anything else thrown into the mix.

When I was a kid, my mom had what I guess I'd have to call a "talent" for applying make-up in her rear-view mirror while driving, and it would freak me the f**k out. I vividly remember being in the passenger seat while my mom steamrolled down Dexter Avenue in our two-toned Buick aircraft carrier station wagon. Suddenly, I'd notice our car veering slightly towards the parked cars on the side of the street. "Mom...Mom!...MOM!!!" And without even looking, she'd swerve back into her lane, narrowly avoiding the parked cars. The worst part of it was that after seeing my short life pass before my eyes with my chest heaving from panic, my mom would sit there behind the wheel and just laugh her ass off - torturing me in this way was deranged merriment for her own daily entertainment.

So please ladies - don't torment your kids or other drivers on the road. Find an alternative spot to make yourself pretty. Your car is not a powder room.