Happy Halloween!

(**Title has been censored by Michael Adams and J. Bernard Machen)

When Georgia plays Florida this weekend in their annual showdown in Jacksonville, a longstanding tradition will be skewered thanks to a couple of self-righteous douchebags- specifically University of Georgia President Michael Adams (pictured above) and University of Florida President J. Bernard Machen (could that name be any snootier?).

These two schmucks have decided that the CBS commentators cannot refer to the game on the air as "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" after an alcohol-related death at last year's game. So is this BS PC decision going to change anything? I hardly think so, especially when CBS goes to commercial during timeouts with countless beer advertisements. People don't die alcohol-related deaths because of the name of a friggin' football game- they die because of their own or someone else's irresponsibility. Chalk up another victory for political correctness.

Rush Limbaugh is an Insensitive Prick

Recently, a 30-second spot featuring Michael J. Fox has begun airing in Missouri. The spot is a paid political ad for Missouri Senate Challenger Claire McCaskill. Fox, who suffers from Parkinson’s disease, is speaking for McCaskill, who supports stem-cell research. He shakes throughout the spot, a condition that is associated with the disease.

Responding to Michael J.Fox’s appearance in the commercial, radio host Rush Limbaugh said, “He is moving around and shaking, and it is purely an act. If this was not an act, then I apologize.”

Go fuck yourself, Rush. Were you born without feelings or a conscience? You're despicable.

It's All Starting to Make Sense Now...

BAMA NOTES
(from Tidesports.com)

-Terrence Jones missed practice Tuesday with what Shula called a cold.

Are you friggin' kidding me?

-Alabama offensive coordinator Dave Rader tried to clarify why backup running back Jimmy Johns carried just three times in last Saturday’s loss to Tennessee despite averaging 12.3 yards per carry. The sophomore running back missed a lot of practice time last week recovering from a high ankle injury suffered the week before against Ole Miss.

“We made the right decision," Rader said. “We’re not going to jeopardize the whole season so he can play five more plays, six more plays."

HUH?!? Dude, the season was already in peril before the Tennessee game and is now officially "jeopardized" after losing it. Either he can play or he can't play. Don't shovel us this shit after the fact.

Battle of the Bands

Because I had nothing else better to do and because my dorky ass has become addicted to Two-A-Days,I decided to go to the Hoover HS football game vs. Homewood Friday night. This was actually the first high school football game I've attended since I was in high school myself. Back then, I couldn't have given two shits about what was happening on the field- I was just there to socialize and hit on girls. This time, however, I watched the game intently and saw some exciting football (unlike the Tide's performance the next day).

That being said, I don't think I'll be going to another HS football game anytime soon. In college football (at least in the SEC), the marching bands are not allowed to perform during plays. They can perform briefly between plays and during timeouts, but that's it. Unfortunately, this rule has not been put into effect during high school games. Both bands went at it nonstop during the entire fucking game, sometimes simultaneously. Not only that, they played the same damn songs over and over. If I hear Iron Man or the ESPN theme one more time, I'm going to puke (which I actually did do yesterday, but that's a different story). It was distracting and annoying, and totally sucked the enjoyment out of watching the game. Maybe I'll copy/paste this rant and send it along to the AHSAA. Not that it would do any good.

A Real Quandary

Gene Simmons will soon be making an appearance at a local Parisian's to promote his new male fragrance (that's pretty gross when you think about it). What an interesting scenario that this presents. Of all places to meet The Demon - Parisian's?!?

The first record I ever bought with my own money was Destroyer by Kiss when I was 7 years old. While most boys grew up wanting to be a fireman, policeman or superhero, I wanted to be Gene Simmons. I don't remember how in the world I got into Kiss at such a young age but I was obsessed with them and their music, even though I couldn't have been more clueless as to what they were singing about. I remember having no idea what Cold Gin was, thinking that Christine Sixteen was really old, Plaster Caster was about a cast on someone's arm, and Love Gun was about a real gun. The song Great Expections was classical music for all I knew while the lyrics flew right over my head -

"You watch me playing guitar,
You feel what my fingers can do
And you wish you were the one I was doing it to."

So you see how big of a deal it would be if I ever had the chance to meet Gene Simmons. Or would it? I gotta be honest - I wasn't all that excited when I heard the news of him coming here. I guess I had always envisioned meeting him after a show when he's dripping sweat and fake blood. He's gonna be standing there at a perfume counter for Chrissakes. How rock n' roll is that? I might as well be going to meet The Wiggles. And God knows what kind of crowd I'd have to fight through just to see him. So do I go or not? I'm really confused about what to do. Stay tuned.

Lindsey Buckingham Rules

Lindsey Buckingham is the coolest mofo in rock n' roll on top of being a friggin' genius. Here's a guy who at one time reached a level of commercial success that is unfathomable yet decided to flush it away for the sake of his art. Instead of recording "Rumours II" in 1979, he talked his Fleetwood Mac bandmates into bucking musical trends and taking artistic risks on their next album, Tusk. Since then, he's been in and out of the spotlight (with F. Mac and solo) while working on his music on his own terms.

And now he's put out one of his signature weird albums, Under The Skin, that sucks you in like a crack addiction. I say weird because it is. His voice and his recording technique take some effort to get used to and it's certainly not for everyone, especially considering that almost every song on this album are comprised of multiple tracks of his guitar and voice only. Upon first listen, I quickly discounted this album. But like all my favorites, I kept listening until it washed over me like a warm golden shower (not that I've ever had one, of course- I'm just perversely speculating here). His songs have always been there- he's simply chosen to strip them apart and rebuild them, just as REM has done on their last few records. What he's done here (and he's always done) takes nerve and takes balls. That's why he remains one of the most respected and talented musicians on the planet. Gung ho my friend.

What a Classy University

Eight Univ. of Miami players have been suspended for their roles in a fight Saturday night between the Hurricanes and Florida Int'l (they had around the same # of players suspended). Eight?!? Are you kidding me? From what I saw, the whole teams were involved in this footbrawl. [UPDATE- The official number of players suspended is FIU-18 and Miami-13, which is still not enough if you ask me] This was the most disgraceful and pathetic display I've ever seen on a field of play in any sport. As I've touched on before here, the Miami Hurricanes are a bunch of classless thugs with no regard whatsoever to class or sportsmanship.

And now I hear that former Miami receiver Lamar Thomas, who's now a color analyst for Miami football broadcasts, was apparently cheering his team on during the slugfest and actually suggested that the players meet in the parking lot after the game - all of this while on the air. Wow. I realize the Tide isn't perfect - we had three personal foul calls against Ole Miss on Saturday - but I can't imagine any team that would stoop to the level of classlessness that Miami continues to wallow in year after year. If the NCAA wants to make a statement, they should shut down these two programs for the remainder of the season.

Where Have You Gone, Michael Myers?

Having grown up during the classic slasher era in cinema, I've become increasingly disappointed in the horror genre of films in recent years. When I was a kid, I remember my dad and me telling my mom we were going to see the latest Herbie movie only to leave the house and head straight for a showing of Halloween, Prom Night, Friday the 13th or any number of other classic slasher flicks. We loved them and still do. But these days, young filmakers just don't get it. These bozos get so caught up in shock value and boring CG effects that they miss the whole point, which is to scare the bejeezus out of kids in a movie theater. Just because the fancy special effects are available doesn't mean that they're required. Personally, John Carpenter's clinky piano scores have a much greater effect than watching the Saw clown cutting off someone's testicles- but that's just me.

When Film Meets Jazz

I saw The Departed last night. This is Marty Scorsese's new film (I can call him 'Marty' because Bob Deniro calls him that, and yes I just called him 'Bob') about lies and infiltration among Boston's underground world of organized crime. It's classic Scorsese- his best since Goodfellas. The acting is unbelievable and each player knocked his or her performance out of the park- Jack is, well, Jack; Leo (yes, Leo) is on the verge of cracking throughout the entire movie and is the best I've ever seen him; Matt Damon is wonderful in his lying prick role; Alec Baldwin is fucking on and remains one of my all-time favorite underrated actors; Mark Wahlberg is like a machine gun on crank. It's one of the rare films that plays out like a jazz performance, each scene and character riffing off another with shades of brilliance. Check it out if you have a couple-a hours to kill.

Turtle Love

I saw a turtle at the zoo the other day and he had pulled himself up on his hind legs against a rock. I then realized that he wasn't leaning on a rock at all - he was mounting another turtle. I wonder how long a turtle make-out session would last anyway. His shell thrusts were so slow that you could barely tell he was moving. But that little guy seemed to be enjoying himself. Go turtles!

Hem = Perfect

Anyone who knows me also knows that my musical tastes are all over the map. Depending on my mood, I could easily be rocking out with X, chilling with Burt Bacharach, swinging with Count Basie, twangin' with Hank Thompson, foot tappin' with some Art Blakey, fist pumpin' with Van Halen, drinkin' with the 'Mats, groovin' with some Toto, etc. You get the idea. Hell, I've even performed an interpretive dance routine to A View To A Kill by Duran Duran (albeit I was drunk at the time). Good music- and I mean whatever's good to you personally, seeing as how we all have our own tastes- should be able to elicit some type of emotional or physical response. That being said, there are very few artists or songs that I would describe as "beautiful". It's not that I'm insensitive- I just have high standards for music to qualify as such.

One of these bands is one that I saw last weekend for the third time in the last couple of years. They're called Hem and they're from Brooklyn, although they've built a substantial following here in the 'ham. Their music and melodies combined with the angelic voice of Sally Ellyson floor me everytime I hear them. The most accurate term I can come up with when attempting to describe their sound is "orchestral folk music". I am comfortable enough to admit that I have actually been moved to tears before when listening to a band, but it's only happened twice. One of those times was with Hem (incidentally, the other was Paul McCartney). For any of you who are interested, take a spare moment and check them out on iTunes or another source.

Double Secret Probation

I have officially placed the Tide on my own probation this week. I can't go to the Duke game this weekend and I've decided to totally blow it off anyway and not even watch it or listen to it. I know we've had to be patient these past several years but my patience has run out. I'm sick and tired of having a mediocre football team. I'll be back on board for the Ole Miss game but I just need a week off to re-evaluate my loyalty to this program and reminisce about the good old days.

"This is Bullshit..."

Some idiot suits at a major studio have greenlit a remake of Revenge of the Nerds, an all-time classic. What is with this trend of remaking classic comedies and horror movies? Bad News Bears, The Longest Yard, When A Stranger Calls- the list goes on. Is there not one ounce of creativity left in Hollywood? I'm getting sick and tired of this. It's just another pathetic excuse to put some young, up and coming actors a chance to stink up the big screen. It will absolutely 100% suck more than the original. So why waste everyone's time?