Oh, The Horror!

I watched The Mist on DVD this week, based on a Stephen King novella and directed by Frank Darabont. I love Stephen King and Darabont (he directed The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, also King adaptions). But The Mist is utter crap - a bad premise with a bad story and bad acting. What happened to the good old days of horror films? We went through a gore renaissance of sorts during the 70's and early 80's (a.k.a. the "slasher" films) but nowadays, no one knows how to make a good bloodfest for the screen. The scare tactics are cheap and the editing is too breakneck for my tastes.

I grew up with a genuine appreciation for these types of films. This might explain a lot to those of you who know me, but when I was a kid, my dad would take me to horror movies all the time. We'd wave goodbye to my mom, telling her that we were going to see the new Herbie movie. We'd end up, of course, going to see Halloween, Friday the 13th, or any number of campy classics from that era. And no, I didn't become a serial killer (at least not yet). So you can have your damn Saw movies - I'll take The Evil Dead (see above photo) any day of the week.

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy

Once promising but often troubled Bama football player Jimmy Johns was arrested yesterday and charged with 5 counts of selling cocaine as well as possession of a controlled substance. Johns was highly touted when he first arrived on campus but spent much of his time in the doghouse, especially once Nick Saban was hired.

Johns’ family arrived from Mississippi yesterday to bail him out of jail. Lee Thomas, who described himself as Johns’ “caretaker”, had this to say to The Tuscaloosa News:

“He may be done here, but he’s not done with football,” Thomas said. “He just got mixed up with the wrong people; that’s it. He’s a good kid. He knows he messed up. It’s his first offense. He’s going to come back."

Huh? First of all, this wasn't a mistake, a bad decision or a case of getting "mixed up with the wrong people". Johns was caught selling nose candy to undercover police officers not once, but FIVE different times. He knew what he was doing. And secondly, he's "going to come back"? To what exactly? The dumbass has been kicked out of school and off the team. Get in a bar fight or arrested for public intox, then you get a second chance to "come back". Not with this charge. In this case, the level of stupidity on his part reached monumental proportions. To see someone with this much talent and potential flush their future down the toilet is senseless and quite baffling. I hope he's able to wake up and turn his life around someday. Sad.

Dumb Slogan

Today I was driving back from lunch and noticed a large tow truck, specifically designed to tow tractor-trailers. I didn't catch the name of the towing company but I did get a glimpse of the company's slogan - "Towing Alabama's Finest". WTF is that supposed to mean anyway? If the vehicles they tow are Alabama's finest, then why the hell are they having to be towed? I just shook my head at the thought of not only the schmo who came up with the tag line, but the company executive who gave it the thumbs up.

Farewell To A Legend

George Carlin was one of those comedians, like Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx, whose albums I had to be sneaky about listening to when I was a kid. You never knew when he would break into a wonderfully nasty story or routine. My dad loved him, too, and as a birthday gift about 6 years ago, I took my him to see George Carlin when he last performed here. We had excellent seats and I was filled with nervous excitement as he walked onstage. Even though he was already in his 60's at the time, he was still as sharp and angry as ever. At one point, I remember tears running down my face as I bowled over with laughter. I seriously thought my organs were going to explode.

He was a legend, a genius and quite simply one of the funniest mofos to ever walk onto a stage. If you've never heard any of his albums, I implore you to listen to FM, A Place For My Stuff, You Are All Diseased, or any of his other works of brilliance. There will never be another one like him. May he rest in peace.

Where Are The Parents?

Two WTF stories in one day:

Reports: Teen Girls Made Pact To Get Pregnant

GLOUCESTER, Mass. (AP) — A pact made by a group of teens to get pregnant and raise their babies together is at least partly behind a sudden spike in pregnancies at Gloucester High School, school officials said.

Principal Joseph Sullivan told Time magazine in a story published Wednesday that the girls confessed to making the pact after the school began investigating a rise in pregnancies that has left 17 girls at the school carrying a child. Normally, there are about four pregnancies a year at the school.

Sullivan told Time that nearly half of the expecting students, none over 16, were involved. Sullivan said students were coming to the school clinic multiple times to get pregnancy tests, and "seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were."

Some of the girls reacted to the news they were pregnant with high fives and plans for baby showers, Sullivan said. One of the fathers "is a 24-year-old homeless guy," Sullivan told the magazine.

Superintendent Christopher Farmer confirmed the deal to WBZ-TV, saying the girls had "an agreement to get pregnant."...


Former Teacher Surrenders On Sexual-Abuse Charges

BIRMINGHAM, Ala -- A former Clay-Chalkville Middle School teacher charged with second-degree sodomy and second-degree sexual abuse has surrendered to authorities and been released on bond.

Julie Pritchett, 34, turned herself in about 9 p.m. on Thursday, said Sgt. Randy Christian, spokesman for the Jefferson County Sheriff's Department. She has been charged with two counts of second-degree sodomy and one count of second-degree sexual abuse in cases of two boys younger than 16.

Pritchett allegedly had sexual relationships with eight male Clay-Chalkville High School students between the ages of 15 and 19 between February and April.

She was released on $66,000 bond, Christian said.

The teacher started a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old former student, and that relationship led to sex acts with his friends, Christian said. The sex acts were initiated by Pritchett, who used several methods of approaching the boys, Christian said. Some of the acts took place on the school's campus and others at the homes of the victims.

Ok, I Know This Is Gonna Sound A Little Mean Spirited

This is Henry Waxman, a Democratic Congressman from California who's had a distinguished 30 year career on Capitol Hill, and happens to be married. He's also the reason why I look in the mirror at times and wonder how in the hell it is that I'M not married.

Russ

What more can I say about Tim Russert that hasn't already been said all over TV the past few days? I've been a huge fan of this man for years, and his passing was extremely shocking and saddening. He knew his shit better than anyone else who ever covered politics. I would always have The Today Show on in the background while I was getting ready for work and would drop whatever it was that I was doing to listen to what he had to say on whatever the subject might have been. On top of his knowledge and dedication, he was a decent guy who was truly genuine. He will be sorely missed and never replaced. R.I.P.

Memo To Kid Rock

Recently while I was working out, I was mortified to hear a "song" on the radio that melded two classic songs with the often used D-C-G chords - "Werewolves Of London" by Warren Zevon and "Sweet Home Alabama" by you know who - into a whole new version with stupid lyrics and a different melody. I literally stopped pedaling the stationary bike and sat there with my mouth agape, not believing what was coming out of the speakers. I later found out that it was the latest single by Kid Rock, "All Summer Long". And now I'm hearing this piece of crap everywhere I go. Hey "Kid" - I implore you to get some creativity and write your own damn songs. There are more than enough no-talent ass clowns out there (my own unoriginal citing from Office Space).

Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

According to a Tuscaloosa News article, there will be a new company in charge of concessions at Alabama football games starting this season. This company handles many professional sporting events and wants to upgrade the quality of the menu. Fine, whatever. But there's a possibility that they'll do away with a Tide tradition that is every bit as important as Bear Bryant, National Championships, and excessive drinking - the Bryant-Denny Stadium Dog. Say it isn't so! For those of you uninitiated readers who haven't had the experience, there is NOTHING on this earth more tasty and fulfilling as one (or several) of these jumbo hot dogs after a day of pre-game cocktails. I've been known to scarf down as many as four during a game, for a formidable average of one per quarter.

If you're like me and care deeply about this issue, send an e-mail to Crimson Tide Sports Marketing General Manager Jim Carabin at malford@learfield.com. Here's what I sent to him this morning:

Mr. Carabin-

As a longtime fan and supporter of Crimson Tide athletics, I was excited to read about the new company (Centerplate) handling football game concessions but disappointed to read that stadium dogs may no longer be available at football games (http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/article/20080611/NEWS/104954120/1010/NEWS03). To myself and many, many others, Bryant-Denny stadium dogs go hand in hand with Alabama football, and I would hate to see them go by way of the dinosaur. PLEASE reconsider this decision and keep the dogs in the stands.

Thanks for your time and attention,

TTCoe

Hot Chicks With Douchebags

Recently, my buddy Rick turned me onto a site called Hot Chicks With Douchebags, and the site is indeed a perfect mirror of our society as it relates to the lives of young singles. Men- how many times have you seen a hot chick(s) with a complete tool and thought to yourself, "What/how is this dork with this girl?" We all know the answer of course - $$$. Now ladies, before you go ballistic at that last statement, let me just say that going after the green is as much of a product of immaturity as the douchebag dude himself. We all go through such phases at different times during our lives and some - men and women alike, unfortunately - never grow out of it. So feel free to peruse the thoroughly entertaining aforementioned web site and bask in the irreverent glory of youth.

Snake

Yesterday, the collective media of Alabama exploded with orgasmic pleasure over Kenny Stabler's latest DUI (his third). Like sharks in the ocean, the local and state media go into a feeding frenzy anytime one of their own celebrities has a brush with Johnny Law. Everyone has their own opinion about what should happen to Stabler and I'm no exception.

First of all, I must admit that I've always loved Snake, and not just his on-field exploits. Like many others, I've always snickered at the many stories that are out there about this fun-loving ex-QB. In fact, I had my own run-in with him about ten years ago at The Blue Monkey Bar here in the 'ham. He had just taken over the color analyst job for Bama football games and I ran into him leaning against the wall, drinking by himself. I approached him, shook his hand and complemented him on the job he was doing on the radio broadcasts. He was very nice and appreciative. Later, as I was leaving, I watched him half stumbling/half being carried up the alley by a couple of his associates and slung into the backseat of an awaiting car. Part of me giggled to myself but another part of me thought about how sad it was to witness.

Stabler needs to be let go from his position with The Alabama Sports Network, or at least be allowed to resign to save face. It's just not funny anymore. He's been caught drinking and driving three times since 1995 but there's no telling how many times he drove drunk and wasn't caught or arrested. He's damn lucky that he hasn't killed anyone. That being said, I'd be lying if I claimed to have never operated a motor vehicle while under the influence - I have and I'm not proud of it. But I also haven't made a name for myself by being the affable town drunk like Stabler has. He obviously has a problem and I hope he does something about it this time and gets some help like one of my other Bama QB heroes, Joe Namath.